A present to myself

Yesterday was my birthday.  I had many wonderful gifts from people who mean everything to me.  Tasty treats, quality time, hugs, chats with loved ones far away.  Today I gave myself a present, the culmination of weeks of effort and straining and pushing my muscles and nerves to their last.  I rolled onto my side in bed, unassisted.  Not halfway over, my shoulders and upper body following the commands of strong arm muscles and leaving my unresponsive hips and legs behind.  Not this time.  My whole body rolled onto its side, my knee bending up to help lift my leg and drag my hip upward with it until I was completely rolled over.  In fact I almost rolled far enough to have my top leg fall off the edge of the bed, and then I did it on the other side too.  

It's an amazing kind of freedom, to be able to roll over in bed without waiting for someone to come and help you.  No more agonizing minutes watching the clock or trying to distract myself from the frostbite-like fire in the backs of my legs when the pressure gets to be too much, waiting what seems like insufferable lengths of time for an overworked staffer to come roll my hips; now I can just turn over when my skin needs a break, all by myself.  In that moment, when I showed off my new skill to my therapist so she can document it for the all-important insurance review, I was on top of the world.

Kind of like how I felt when my husband relayed a conversation he had with our son.  Given a choice between going straight to his grandparents, where he could play with his sisters and watch TV or play on the computer and hang out with his grandpa he adores versus visit mom at the boring nursing home full of old folks and strangeness, he immediately chose to hang out with me and play Skipbo.  I cried with joy.  How I love that sandy-haired, blue-eyed little boy with his big toothy grin and his intelligent-looking glasses.  And his hugs, and fits of giggles, and the way he reads like a fifth grader, which he is tall enough to pass for, even though he's only in second grade.  He makes me so proud, and happy.  Along with his sisters, by far the best presents hubby and I could ever have given ourselves.