I don't know about you, but when I got my cancer diagnosis I spent pretty much a full day in outraged shock and tears. Not too long after that though, I started figuring out that there were some pretty important things I needed to tell myself in order to survive the situation - things that may, or may not, be true, but are essential either way.
One of the first turned out to be pretty true: radiation is no big deal. I had several cancer-survivor friends tell me this, but you can never be sure whether they are just trying to make you feel better or how well your own radiation treatment experience will go. Mine went about as great as they can possibly get. I completed my 28 treatments last week, and got away with only extremely minor esophagitis and almost zero skin discomfort.
Another one starting coming up almost as soon as I turned the TV on: suddenly every Cancer Treatment Center and breast cancer walk and malpractice lawyer commercial carried frightening new significance. Suddenly I'm a cancer patient, with all the terrifying unknowns that comes with, like would it metastasize, could it kill me, would it make me look sickly and weak to my children, would my hair fall out? And immediately, to protect me, almost without me even realizing it was happening, my brain drew a hard, thick line between the two kinds of cancers that previously I hadn't ever bothered to separate: the kind of cancer I have, along with other mild or tolerable cancers like totally operable skin lesions, and then the group that became known in my mind as "scary cancers that can kill you." Because it was critically important to make myself believe that the kind of cancer I have is NOT a scary cancer that could possibly kill me. I don't actually know how true that may be, and I'll admit, I don't want to know. What matters is I believe it. It's reinforced daily by silent affirmations like the way I don't look sickly yet, I'm growing stronger, not weaker, and there are no outwardly visible signs of any metastases.
Can I change anything about the challenge right now? If no, I drop it. No point trying to change the unchangeable. If can do anything to effect the challenge, I'll make a list or do something that will help effect the change, bet it a list of things I need to you, things that need to be done at the house, or spend a minute or two here or there to make a small trivial adjustment in accomplishing goals to get it done.
ReplyDeleteWhat I tell myself, and believe, is that no two cancer situations/patients are the same, and that the individual, no matter the diagnosis....CAN change/improve the prognosis. I believe that the person's outlook, and mind and body experience and strength can truly make a difference, so it is very important to stay as positive as possible. And, I truly believe that God hears our prayers, and that he does answer them in His time, according to His will. I pray for His blessings for you!
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