At some point on this journey, apparently, I have accepted certain realities about my illness. I realized it today when I had two particular thoughts (I know, two thoughts! In one day even! My brain is on overdrive...):
1) I wish I didn't still need so much help; and
2) Wow, I used to wish none of this had happened to me.
Somewhere along the line, without my realizing it, there has been a subtle shift, so that wishing I never had cancer or never injured my spinal cord now feels about as useless and silly as wishing a cup of water didn't get spilled yesterday or wishing it would rain. There's nothing you can do about the past and things you can't control. My wishes and hopes now reflect things that maybe I can change, and actively pursue, like becoming more independent so that other people's lives don't have to be restructured around me and my needs. Finding a ranch-style house, and a way to afford it, so that my family and I can live on the same floor, with a bigger kitchen so I can get in and out of it with a walker and/or chair and be able to make some simple meals again. So that my husband and I can share the same bedroom, without having to make elaborate plans for energy conservation and trips up and down stairs being part of the equation.
You are growing....it's ok to accept what you cannot change; so long as you continue to pursue that which you can change. You have been doing that all along and doing it above and beyond what others might have considered possible. YOU have made your "possibles" and brought them to fruition.
ReplyDeleteThe stomach flu made a miserable few days for you, so really hoping it has run its course and you're feeling much better!
Keep striving for your goals, and sharing with everyone here!!!!!