Monday, April 9, 2012

Homecoming

I finally came home.

Let that sink in for a second.  I came home.  I am living in my own house, and Tuesday will be the eleventh day at home.  I lived at home for almost eleven days over Christmas and New Years.  Other than that I have not lived at home since November 8th.  I almost can't explain the flurry of mixed emotions I had about coming back here.  Longing, craving, needing it so badly, at the same time as fearing it, having anxiety and nervousness about managing all my issues on our own.  Not alone of course, but with my family team.  My husband, my father-in-law and other family members, our amazing friends who build and cook and nurture us however they can. 

As always, it's been a bumpy road.  There have been equipment challenges, like the medical supplier who defaulted to delivering the Medicare standard equipment instead of the specific equipment my therapists and doctors requested.  So I wound up with a bed so narrow I can't roll over in it, with a rickety almost-broken railing on the side I like to get out of bed on, so I can't pull on it to sit up or anything useful like that.  And a slideboard the width of my keester so once I sit on it, there's no remaining board left to slide across... but we're getting those issues resolved, mostly with help from a more reliable supplier, and with a bit of my usual adaptive ingenuity with other household items. 

I have transportation issues, since I still can't stand up well enough to turn and pivot, so I can't get in and out of our family car; I have to hire wheelchair transportation.  We're looking into having some special public transportation pick me up, which will cost significantly less than private transportation.  I'm still on a catheter and still nearly faint when I try to have bowel movements on the commode, so that is also still a work in progress.  I go to outpatient physical therapy several times a week to continue that fight.  But at least progress is being made.

And boy is it worth it.  To be home every morning when my children wake up, to say goodnight to them every night, to fix their ponytails and help with the homework and even take my power chair up the street to pick them up from school, to kiss my husband every single day when he comes home from work where he got a nice promotion to full-time so he could take over my old role as primary breadwinner.  To have family meals together more often than once or twice a week, to get back into that old routine of mediating disputes and handing out time-outs and singing silly songs together and reading to them and every other mundane joy.  

I'm absolutely loving it.

3 comments:

  1. So happy for you, hubby and children!!!!! Yes, there will be difficulties, complications and tense moments, but all of you are the most adaptable and fully supportive TEAM in the world, and you will overcome any and all problems as they arise. All the while, living, laughing, crying, and laughing again TOGETHER!! God bless each of you and all that you embrace.

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  2. Was a little worried when no post at the end of the month when expectations were for a release to your home, but a sigh of relief to read this great news! Your hard work and determination has been truly remarkable. I almost feel guilty to encourage you to keep up the effort, for it has been Herculean, but that is exactly what must be done. Never quit, never say can't, let out the tears when necessary, lean on Chris, the kids, or whoever else is handy, but keep on keepin' on! We're praying for you and cheering for you, and loving you.

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