Summer Highs and Lows

In July, I had another six-month check up with my oncologist.  As usual we did blood work, and scheduled some CT scans.  But unlike the usual, we talked about progressing to only annual imaging if everything still looked the same, and it did.  There have been no signs of growth in the tumors since I completed radiation therapy in March of last year, and my blood continues to be negative for unspecified tumor markers, which would act as an early warning sign if the cancer had spread.  We'll continue to do the blood work every six months to be sure we catch any changes quickly, but it will be nice not to have to go down to the big hospital for imaging for another year.  Because of course, with our luck, we never seem to have a wrinkle-free imaging visit.  This time the scanner broke down, causing long delays, but at least the hospital had another one that was working, so we just had to be relocated to a different medical building.  As scanning hang-ups go, that one was pretty benign.  

Last weekend I got back behind the wheel again, and drove my family to the library, a restaurant, and the grocery store.  I have missed driving, have always preferred to be the driver and loved it from the moment I first got behind the wheel of the '57 Nash Rambler Dad taught us how to drive in.  I still stayed on the side roads, didn't get on the freeway at all.  Even though the car accident that gave me nightmares and still scares the shit out of me when we go places was on a side road, not the freeway, my fear still knows that at freeway speeds, other people's carelessness will be even more damaging to me.  I still get overwhelmed by the fear sometimes, like when my husband had to swerve left to avoid an obstacle in our freeway lane a couple weeks ago, and I was reminded of the desperate swerve left that the medical transport driver made to avoid hitting the street light pole after another car had rammed into the side of us.  I didn't want my children to know how frightened I was, so for the next ten minutes after that I was silent, getting my breathing and my tears back under control.

Summertime is great for going to the park and having fun outings to local museums and art exhibits and science exhibits.  But it also highlights my malfunctioning temperature controls, as there are many activities I have to pass on because I can't be out in the full sun or in temperatures higher than around 72 degrees Fahrenheit.  In such situations, my body fails to sweat, and instead my internal temperature goes higher and higher until it's a serious medical risk.  Once, after 15 minutes in a warm car whose air conditioning really couldn't keep up with the heat, my body temperature rose to 102.  You can just imagine how much higher it would go in longer time intervals, outdoors in the sun when it's over 90.  I hate limiting my family's activities because of my climate issues, but at the same time, my husband and I also don't like to always just leave me at home and have them go do those activities without me.  After all, I already spent so much time in virtual exile, hospitalized and only seeing my children a couple times a week.  We try to find the balance where they still get to do a lot of fun stuff, but sometimes also just hang with me, either at home or somewhere else with great air conditioning.

So, we still have our ups and downs.  But all things considered, I'm doing as well as can possibly be expected, actually much better than a lot of people (including doctors) thought I would.  I might not get to say I'm cancer-free, and at this point there really aren't any treatment options, but at least this cancer is letting me live, maybe for a good long while, and it's making sure I'll appreciate my life as much as possible.  This year for the first time all three of my precious children will be gone all day for school.  I can't wait to experience this milestone with them, to be here for their homework and play with flash cards and hear about their day at school and all the other wonderful things moms get to do.  Every day that I'm not missing that stuff is a victorious day.