Notches on the Wall

There is a tendency, when people are ill or going through some kind of struggle, for everyone to become more protective of them.  Our loved ones want to save us from pain, or from great effort, or from worry, and try to create a bubble, a buffer between us and the ugly things in life.

This is both unnecessary and harmful.  The fact that we are facing troubles of our own doesn't make us immune to the worries and trials of others.  It's not just another burden to endure.  Suffering is a universal reality, a cosmic price tag for the pleasure of dwelling in a living shell that is aware of its surroundings and has keen physical and emotional perceptions.  That we respond to the suffering of others is what defines our souls, and separates us from the rocks and the trees and the plankton, which are made up of almost entirely the same molecules as us. 

Sharing the difficulties of others is not only what makes us human, but it makes us stronger.  It takes us outside of ourselves, diverts the focus from our own issues and reminds us that we are not alone, that other people struggle beside us on their own difficult climb to overcome whatever faces them.  That when we pull together, everything that all of us are dealing with gets a little easier to handle.   None of us is without tribulation; we are all etching our notches on the wall to mark the passage through difficulty of one kind or another. 

And sharing in the bad news and problems of others helps us feel normal again.  It is not normal to live in a vacuum, devoid of all negativity.  It's not normal to have nothing but hope and optimism, all day, every day.  Without their opposites these things have no real meaning anymore.  In order to have a really great day, you have to know what a bad day was.  My husband even says that he enjoys when people still come to him for help, because helping people is what's normal for him, and he doesn't like when they don't ask him for help just because they think he's already doing so much for me at home that he shouldn't be bothered to help anyone else.  No matter how wrapped up we are in each other and our own crisis, we can always sympathize with someone else, and want to help them, too.

We know you don't think we're weak, that we can't handle the truth.  You just want to protect us, you wish we didn't have to know, that all the bad things could be kept away.  You can wish this, but you must not make it be true.  We are not depending on you for protection.  We need you to shoulder the load with us, not for us.  Sheltered inaction leads to apathy and atrophy, the twin icons of emotional and physical weakness.  To be strong, we must know and do.  Honor us with the truth, and we will carry on, as all of us must do.