If Life is a Highway, I Want to Drive It

August 26, 2011.  The day the weakness first took over my legs.  I was working half days then, recovering from my first spine surgery, so I drove myself home from work after lunch, worrying about how wobbly my legs felt and how I'd had to lean on the hallway counters at work to keep from falling.  By early evening I could no longer walk, and my husband had to help me stumble and drag my feet to the car to go in for emergency MRIs.  That mid-day commute was the last time I drove a car.

Until today.

After dinner we went out to one of those do-it-yourself frozen yogurt sundae bars because we had a coupon, and after that, I started thinking.  I started thinking how hubby and I had talked about practicing driving in a big empty parking lot, but we should wait until the kids weren't with us.  I started thinking how the kids are almost never not with us.  I started thinking how confident I was in my legs, in my ability to stop on reflex, in my ability to turn my head and check behind me when in reverse.  I started thinking we should just go for it and have hubby drive to a big parking lot so I could practice even though the kids were with us.  So we did.

It.  Was.  Awesome.  I thought I would be rusty, that my weird, partially numb feet would be too heavy on the accelerator and too timid on the break.  I thought I wouldn't be able to come to the smooth stops and gentle starts I'd always prided myself on.  But instead it was like I'd never stopped driving.  It was as natural as coming home.  

I drove in circles through the parking lot, following the directional arrows as appropriate, and letting my hubby randomly command me to suddenly "STOP!" so that we would know I could react quickly.  I was in complete control of my legs and feet, and of my arms as well, and there was no throbbing or sharp pains in my back to indicate that I shouldn't continue.  I was able to fully turn to look over my shoulder as needed when changing lanes or reversing out of a parking spot.  I was ready for light town driving.

Never mind that it took us extra time to drive home because I'm not ready for freeways and took the back roads, or that half those back roads turned out to be under construction that I didn't know about (and there were no detour signs) so I had to take an even longer, further back road route to get us there.  The point is, I drove my family home from that big empty mall parking lot, and it felt amazing.  I can't wait to do it again.  And undeniably, one of the greatest benefits of doing light town driving is feeling like I have some control over my fate, like my own reactions can help keep me safe from the mistakes of other drivers out there, of whom I have been so afraid ever since my car accident last year.  Maybe now, with my own hands on the wheel, I can finally start to let go of those fears.

Note:  despite common sense dictating that I should refrain from driving until I was sure that I was ready, there have been no official restrictions applied to my driver's license, which is still current, so I believe I have not violated any laws by driving.